Every year at this time, people make resolutions to better their lives. I do the same thing. Recently, I have noticed several articles regarding the concept of self-awareness and accepting responsibility for the things in your life that are not the way you’d hoped.
I think there’s really something to this. Now seems as good a time as any to determine the importance of taking one’s destiny.
My business did okay this year, but I have been dragging my feet about marketing to a broader range of clients. I know how to do it, and I train other people how to do it, but I haven’t done it. Why? Because what if I fall on my face, and the people who think I won’t be successful are actually right?
I’ve not applied as seriously for as many, full time, big human resource positions as I could. Because I am afraid. I am concerned that if I take a new position, it will take me a long time to be as confident or comfortable as I am now…comfortable is a killer.
Another year has passed and my book isn’t finished. Not surprising, as I’ve been struggling to focus in. But also not surprising because I’m afraid of the rejection of publishers. Pouring my soul into something only to be told it’s not good enough has long been a fear of mine. Now is as good a time as any to admit that.
2016 is over, and I still haven’t lost thirty pounds. I always resolve that I will; but I haven’t. I still haven’t run a marathon. I still haven’t gotten my A1C (a test used to measure blood sugar over a period of time) under 7.0. I’m still waiting to do those things, because what if I try really hard and nothing good happens? What if I get myself into the best physical condition of my life only to find out that it doesn’t matter and the diabetes has done too much damage to live my life the way I want?
The fact is,sometimes not trying is easier than failing. Sometimes, it seems like by trying you’re really just running on a treadmill-endlessly wearing yourself out.
Even more terrifying: what if they’re wrong? What if I really do all these things? What if I’m a huge overnight success and I don’t have to struggle and people hate me for it? Who am I to deserve to meet my goals? What if I win?
The fact is, the posts about taking responsibility are hitting home for me this holiday season. I did accomplish several of my goals, and that should count for something with me. I was a better friend, a better sibling and daughter and granddaughter this year. I stood up for myself and took pride in my work. I did, at least, start my foray into working for myself. I traveled all over the world and the US with my family and the man I love, and I didn’t apologize for taking care of myself. I took some pride in me, and I saw progress.
But now is as good a time as any to admit that 2017 looks a little daunting, but like a mountain I want to climb.
I accept that I will have to beat me. I have to win against myself, and that means falling on my face. I know this. I also know I might fail, but at least some of these things must get done this year. This time I have to win, and that means accepting responsibility for my own sabotage.
Regular updates to follow. Similar resolutions, because I need goals. Hopeful progress to share.
(P.S. How cute is this picture of us on our recent adventure to New Orleans? We’re in the Garden District here!)
Stay motivated everyone!